Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
