K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
