Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
