Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
