the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
