I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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