pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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