dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
