pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
