Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
