what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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