I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's official drugs can't kill me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
