the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
