What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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