found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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