you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
