Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
