My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
