apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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