I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You took a bar mat shot.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
