she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
