So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
