when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
