How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
