she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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