Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
