Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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