And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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