billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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