That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
