maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
