Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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