i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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