I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize