I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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