Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
