Moan for me like Helen Keller
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize