OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
