So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We need a shit load of segways right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize