I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
