Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
