Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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