And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
