another moral hangover. fuck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
