You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
