Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
