Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
