its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize