I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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