it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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