when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize