He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
