Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
