I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
