Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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