one might say we're banned from that church
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
