It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
