But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
