You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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