I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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